Why do we know so many people, but don’t know many people? OR let me put it this way, why do we have many connections but don’t feel connected?

We are living in the most connected and the most disconnected times. We are living in an oxymoron. Of course, the pandemic has made it worse, we are more physically separated. But then, it has also reminded us of how many technological tools we have to connect. Some of us already connected with relatives abroad, life of an immigrant right? But who knew we could celebrate birthdays and have dance parties virtually? I didn’t think of it until Covid times.

All that being said, I’m not referring to social distancing due to the pandemic…

I’m referring to being known! The hundreds or thousands of friends on social media that make you feel close to people but in reality these people don’t know you. All the friend groups with names upon names of familiar faces that still feel far off. The aunties, uncles, and relatives that know your parents, where you grew up, how many degrees you have, but don’t really know what’s going on in your life. The people that you crack jokes with who are there for the jokes, you don’t want them to know and maybe they don’t want to know either, so you guys keep joking. It’s easier that way. Shall I go on? Your family members that live in your house who see you day in and day out, you may even lie in the same bed with them, but they have no clue what’s going on in your mind.

Does someone know you? Does someone know your thoughts, your stressors, your worries, your dreams, your aspirations, your hopes? Anyone? Who? Name them!

There’s nothing wrong with having hundreds or thousands of friends on social media. There’s nothing wrong with being in multiple friend groups. There’s nothing wrong with knowing many aunties, uncles, and relatives. There’s nothing wrong with having friends to crack jokes with. But if that’s all your doing, it can be lonely! It can be lonely if you are single and if you are married. That’s why many people have all these connections and still feel lonely. While some don’t have multiple contacts but feel connected.

Why? Because what makes us feel connected is having a witness to life! Someone (a friend, family member, coworker, spouse) who sees your physical and your internal life and loves you anyway. Being known is sharing our hearts and thoughts with another and being seen for exactly who we are; allowing someone who cares to see your greatness and your ugliness. Knowing that the person may not be able to change anything about your situation but sharing your life with them changes everything about your experience of it. That’s what makes us begin to feel at home.

“To be at home is to be known. It is to be loved for who you are. It is to share a sense of common ground, common interests, pursuits, and values with others who truly care about you.”   ~ Vivek H. Murthy in book “Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World”