Why didn’t Jesus get married?

To continue the Singleness and Marriage Series, I promised to write on God’s perspective.

To God, being single or being married with or without children is a good thing. No one is above the other, we are all on equal status before God. If you are married, good for you. If you are single, good for you too. If you have children, good for you. If you don’t have children, good for you too.

From the last two posts on singleness and marriage, you will see that culture plays a huge role in why Africans get married and why we worry about people being single. Go ahead and read them! My goal in this post is to present a Biblical lens of singleness and marriage. Be forewarned, there are going to be a lot of scripture passages here (feel free to use them for your own Bible study). But before I do that, I need to give you a back story to what you are about to read.

Among all I’ve written on this blog, I procrastinated the most with this one (probably why it is a week later than intended). My experience writing it reminded me of many people in the Bible who gave excuses when sent to deliver God’s message. Moses gave multiple excuses including not being eloquent enough (Exodus chapter 3 – 4), Gideon said, “My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house.” (Judges 6:15 ESV). Jeremiah said, “Ah, Lord God! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth.” (Jeremiah 1:6 ESV) and Jonah oh boy! You need to read Jonah’s story, there are only 4 chapters so it’s worth it. The list of people goes on. Reading some of these stories might make you feel better about any of your insecurities. I could relate to how these prophets felt, and I needed to have my own conversation with God where He reminded me of the Holy Spirit that lives in me, full of power and creativity. That along with my own Bible study enable me to put words together in writing even when I’m not sure what to say. So here we go.

Marriage and children in the beginning

Where do we even start? Let’s start from the beginning of the Bible when God formed the earth and created humans. God starts out by creating man and woman and telling them to multiply.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 NIV)
And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28 ESV)

I’ve heard these two passages read at weddings. The latter especially at African weddings because we love to encourage married couples to have children. God did want his creation to multiply. He said it again to Noah in Genesis 9:1. It makes sense that when you are in the beginning of creating something you want it to grow. Can you imagine if Adam and Eve and the early generations didn’t multiply? God’s creation would have died off. While being married and multiplying was good in that context and still is good today, it is only part of the Biblical story. In order to understand the whole story, we need to understand Jesus.

God’s plan for family through Jesus

Something about our human nature makes us feel superior when we believe we are in the right. We look down on others who we think are not following the rules. Similarly to African history, in the Old Testament, being single and having no children were not favorable (to say the least). The tale of singleness being on the tail end started a long time ago. Women who were single or barren suffered societal disgrace and shame. Fortunately, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18 ESV). God could see their suffering. Therefore, we have passages like Isaiah 54.

Sing, O barren one, who did not bear;
break forth into singing and cry aloud,
you who have not been in labor!
For the children of the desolate one will be more
than the children of her who is married,” says the Lord (Isaiah 54:1 ESV)

Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.

For your Maker is your husband,
    the Lord of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
    the God of the whole earth he is called.
For the Lord has called you
    like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off,
    says your God. (Isaiah 54:4-6 ESV)

Although the passage above describes a woman’s suffering and God’s comfort, it is really about the relationship between God and his people, the Israelites. And it foreshadows God’s relationship with His future people, which are followers of Jesus today, Christians. This passage can be used as a comfort for any person struggling with singleness or marital distress or inability to have children. Most of all, anyone who proclaims that Jesus is Lord can be encouraged by this passage as well. God Himself as a husband will supply and meet our emotional needs. And because we are in a new covenant through Jesus, we have fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, children in Christ (the church) who become our family. Let me explain…

The church is our new family and we have spiritual children

A brief context of the Bible, it is the story of God’s creation and His desire to partner with us, but we broke the first covenant relationship with Him. Hence, he sends Jesus to fix it. In the New Testament, we are introduced to a new covenant in which Jesus restores creation, humanity, and our relationship with God. This changes everything about how we relate to God and each other. Being single, married, and having children takes on a different meaning.

While he [Jesus] was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” (Matthew 12:46-50 ESV)

Jesus being a single man himself throughout his 33 years on earth redefines family. It was probably alarming for Jesus to make the above statement while his mother, (all the Africans say “a whole Mary”) and his brothers were outside. But that should tell us something. Jesus is rebuilding a new type of family. It’s no longer about people being married and having children, it’s about people following him. This new family is made of people who are single, married, don’t have children or have children. He calls this his church and his bride (Romans 12:4-5, 2 Corinthians 11:2, Ephesians 5:25-29, Revelation 21:9-11).

If we go back to Genesis 1:28 above where God told man and woman to multiply, Jesus now tells his followers to multiply by bringing more people to him. Right before Jesus went back to heaven where he came from (yes, it happened), he told his disciples:

And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. (Matthew 28:18-20 ESV)

As we continue to read the scriptures after the Gospels, we see that the disciples take on this charge. Peter, Paul, James, John, Mary Magdalene, Phoebe, Chloe, Priscilla, Aquila, Timothy, several followers of Jesus, some married, some single, whatever their status, they worked together. Peter was married, Paul was single. The person who seemed to have more (spiritual) children than everyone else was the unmarried Paul who wrote most of the letters in the New Testament. He took the charge to be a father to the disciples in various churches, constantly writing to them and setting an example.

I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children. For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. I urge you, then, be imitators of me. (1 Corinthians 4:14-16ESV)

Now do you see how Isaiah 54 comes to life? “Sing, O barren one, who did not bear…” could be replaced with “Sing, O single Paul”… “For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her who is married,” says the Lord (vs 1). “For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.” (vs 5)H

What does this mean for me as a single or married person?

Each person is whole as an individual in Christ. If you are single and desiring to be married, remember that God wants to be you first love. If you are married and experiencing loneliness or marital bliss, remember God wants to be your first love. If you have biological children, God wants you to help them to know Him. If you don’t have biological children, you can still have a lot of (spiritual) children. We probably all know someone who has biological children but hasn’t been present as a parent. I’m not talking about bad parenting because there’s no perfect human parent, I’m talking about parents who don’t even try to be parents. How is this different from someone who hasn’t had children? On the other hand, there are people who have never had biological children whose houses are always full of children or people to whom they have provided food, clothing, training, mentoring, parenting, etc. Can you think of any of such people? I can think of a few of my aunties.

Again, I’m so amazed at how many people the apostle Paul knew and cared for (all this while he was being beaten and thrown in prison constantly). In his letter to the Roman church, one out of the early century churches, he extends greetings to various people whom he knew like a brother or a father would.

I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a deacon of the church in Cenchreae. I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of his people and to give her any help she may need from you, for she has been the benefactor of many people, including me.

Greet Priscilla and Aquila, my co-workers in Christ Jesus. They risked their lives for me. Not only I but all the churches of the Gentiles are grateful to them.

Greet also the church that meets at their house.

Greet my dear friend Epenetus, who was the first convert to Christ in the province of Asia.

Greet Mary, who worked very hard for you.

Greet Andronicus and Junia, my fellow Jews who have been in prison with me. They are outstanding among the apostles, and they were in Christ before I was.

Greet Ampliatus, my dear friend in the Lord…

Greet one another with a holy kiss.

(Romans 16:1-8, 16 NIV).

He goes on to name about 20 more people to greet because to him they were family. These are the type of relationships God wants us to build with each other so no one is left feeling too single or too married or too unable to bear biological children.

However you feel about your relationship status, this is a reminder to us that God cares deeply about each of us so much that through Jesus, he allows each of us to have a family and to multiply if we choose him. In your singleness and in your marriage with or without kids, enjoy being with God.