1. You don’t believe that therapy will help you. I had a client who had been to multiple therapists and didn’t make much progress. He said several times that he didn’t think therapy was helpful, so of course he didn’t think I would be helpful either and our sessions were short-lived. If you have ever worked toward a goal, you know that you need a level of faith in your ability to achieving it. The same applies here. If you don’t believe therapy works nor that you can change, it is a waste of time for everyone involved. Therapists treat different problems, hence why it is necessary to find the right therapist. Nevertheless, several studies have demonstrated that psychotherapy helps with symptom relief and improvement in people’s functioning with changes beginning to show between 6 to 12 sessions. Thus, it is not a quick fix, and you are an active part of the process. Therefore, believe it works and be patient with the process.
2. You are not being honest with yourself or your therapist. Are you consciously hiding information that you know is seriously impacting you? Are you spending most of the time talking about someone else’s issues to avoid looking at your own? Therapy can be uncomfortable, and it can take times to build trust and comfort with your therapist. It is okay to allow the time to do so and allow the space to uncover new things that you were unconscious about. However, be honest about the things you know are truly impacting you. At the end of the day, you are the one spending your money to be in therapy, so why not be open about what you really need help with?
3. You don’t have the right posture. While working with multiple adults as a psychotherapist, I have found that there is something about the way the client postures themselves in the session, that makes it easy to provide a lot more to some people than it is to others. People come in for various reasons and therefore have different needs; some want to vent, some want solutions, some want exercises they can do in or out of sessions, and some want insight. Nevertheless, being ready to give and receive goes a long way in allowing you as the client to get the most out of the session. By giving, I mean presenting your issue(s) and by receiving, I mean leaving room for the therapist to ask questions and offer input. It is obvious when the client is closed off and/or not ready to make adjustments. This is indicative that maybe it’s not the right time to be in therapy.
4. You are not ready for the session. Some of the signs of not being ready are when the therapist constantly has to remind you of what you want to work on or of the homework that was given, and your response is something like, “I forgot what we talked about.” Maybe your issue was resolved, great. So, what do you want to talk about this week? Hey, it’s okay for your therapist to remind you of things you had said, but if your therapist is working harder than you to figure out what you need help with, there’s a problem. You should know that your therapist can’t read your mind and you would hate for them to make assumptions about you. So come prepared with something in mind that you want to address. Think about your therapy goals, notice your triggers or your victories from the past week. Be ready to expand your narrative as you talk about it.
5. You are not taking notes and reflecting outside of the session. Okay, therapy is not school. But if you think about it as self-education, it can be helpful to take notes here and there on your insights, revelations, questions you want to reflect on later, or aspects to share with your therapist. Some people have a therapy notebook or a journal that they use during and after the session. If you are someone who prefers audible learning, there are audible apps you can use to do audio journals. You can also reflect by continuing the conversation with a loved one. Reflecting outside of session makes a big difference in how much progress people make. If you forget completely about your session after that hour, you aren’t giving yourself much time to process what was discussed.
6. You are not implementing the tools, practicing, and doing your homework. It is true that practice “makes better” not perfect. We will never be perfect, but we can improve, and a great way to get good at something is to practice. If you and your therapist do exercises or talk about different ways of doing things or interacting with others, practice those tools outside of sessions. If your therapist gives you homework, give yourself the time to do it. Consider that you only spend one hour in a session out of 168 hours each week, therefore, the more you implement and practice the tools outside of therapy, the more progress you’ll see and the more content you have to bring into the next session. And the cycle continues getting you more improvements faster. But also, be gentle with yourself, this is not a race. Follow your journey however long it takes.
7. You are not supplementing therapy with other resources. It is always exciting when a client of mine says something like, “I’ve been reading this book about… (something pertaining to their presenting issue)” or “I joined a yoga class” or “I started walking for 15 minutes in the morning,” etc. Psychotherapy is just one form of treatment. There are several ways in your everyday life that you can supplement your healing journey such as joining a support group, reading books related to your problems, using your community support, doing a workbook, and using any of these alternative ways of healing.
8. You are not reviewing your therapy goals. Do you go back to remind yourself why you came into therapy? Or do you ask yourself what are your new goals for therapy? It is always good to check in with yourself and with your therapist about how far you have come and what you want to continue to work on. Additionally, your life circumstances may have changed which could have an impact on your presenting issues. You may be at a place where you don’t need therapy anymore because you have enough tools in your life to manage your issues or you no longer have debilitating problems. It is always good news when my client no longer needs me. Ultimately, the goal of therapy is to get you to a place where you have the tools within you or in your community to manage your stressors. Therefore, you no longer need a therapist, but you can return in the future (if needed).

For anyone considering psychotherapy, read this article to answer your lingering questions.