Stress management tips in your African homes during the holidays

The holidays are fast approaching. When I was a child in Cameroon, I looked forward to December. It was one of my favorite periods because people came together to celebrate. There was always a lot of food and merriment. As an adult, although I enjoy spending the holidays with my family, I realize that there is more to this one-sided story of cheerful holidays. This season can be stressful and even depressing.

We Africans can easily neglect the stress of the season, running from one place to another trying to get things done. We can forget that this season can bring up a lot of emotions, the joy of reuniting with family and loved ones, the distress of having to deal with difficult relatives, recognition of one’s current status as single, married, divorcee, parent, you name it. Moreover, it can also be a difficult time for people who have lost loved ones or for those who are far away from home.

Being an African immigrant or an immigrant for that matter, just the decision of where to spend the day of Thanksgiving or Christmas can be challenging. Then, there are other worries about one’s finances to go back home to Africa while still providing for daily and monthly expenses in the U.S. Additionally, sometimes we want to send extra money to relatives or friends in Africa especially if we won’t get to see them. The song that goes, “it’s the most wonderful time of the year” sounds lovely, but this time of the year can be overwhelmingly stressful.

What about you? Do you look forward to or do you dread the season? What are you hoping for during this time? What are you dreading? How are you preparing to cope with the things you dread? How are you preparing to connect with those relatives with whom you struggle? Are there some goals you can make for yourself so you can reduce some of your stress during the holiday season?

Stress management tips

No matter how you feel, here are a few tips that can help you manage whatever stress arises:

Say NO – If you know anything about African mothers, they are always running around from one meeting to another, cooking for some occasion, looking after the kids who are out of school for the holidays, etc. Whoever you are, if you find yourself trying to do too much, STOP and remind yourself that this break is also for you. Say No to activities you don’t need to do and give yourself a break.
Get Rest – Saying no means saying YES to rest. Take the time to relax, stay in bed a little longer, read a book, watch TV, spend time with your loved ones, go get your nails done, go get some male-bonding time, go do something fun that you have wanted to do.
Delegate – With more people around for the holidays, you don’t have to do everything yourself. Delegate! Give everyone a task to do while they are at your house or even if they are not at your house. People actually like being productive and helpful so let them help you.
Create boundaries – The simple way to explain boundaries is “what is okay and what is not okay with me” ~ Brené Brown. I know many Africans who don’t express what their boundaries are and then they get angry when people do things that are not okay. People can’t read your mind. Tell them that you are not okay with them wearing your clothes, walking in your room, whatever it is. It is okay for you to say NO to people’s behavior toward you that you don’t like.
Create some routines – It is okay to have no set plans for the holidays especially if you just want to relax. However, creating some routines can help give you some structure so you don’t end the holidays feeling like the time flew by and you had no control of it.
Allow yourself to feel all your emotions – With all that has happened during the past year, this is the time when you might notice different feelings coming up. It is okay to feel sad, angry, confused, grief, whatever it is. Take the time to feel all of it and if it will be helpful, talk to a friend or a family member.
Have relationship – We all have relatives and friends that we enjoy and others that are challenging. This holiday make it a goal to spend quality time with those people whom you cherish. It can be therapeutic! At the end of the day, we all truly desire meaningful relationship so make the effort to have real conversations.