Happy almost 4th of July! It looks like July 4th weekend is easily becoming my poetry weekend. At this time 2 years ago, I wrote a poem about rest. This time, it’s about suffering in silence.
We’ve all experienced some sort of hardships in our lives. Sometimes it can be difficult to talk to others about it even though the more we hold on to things without expressing them, the greater the negative effects they have on us. Fortunately, God gave us various ways to process our traumas. I wrote about 12 alternative ways in this post (go read it). One of those ways is writing poetry or doing spoken word.
Personally, I’ve used poetry and writing to get through many of my challenges. I started a blog 10 years ago (which no longer exist) called Mind Behind the Face. The whole blog was about my journey of healing with God. Some of the pieces I wrote were about my experience and some were about other people’s pain which I felt. During that time, I wrote the poem below. It was inspired by a friend of mine who was struggling, but I could relate so it was easy to write it.
The Silent Sufferer
I held it in
I spoke few words
I agreed with everybody
I did what you asked me to; I performed my duties
Then, I stayed awayMaybe you would notice my absence
And call me
Maybe you would remember me
Or maybe you would just ask me, “Are you okay?”
Maybe you would be persistent
Maybe you would try to listen to me
Maybe you would try to understand meWell, if you really want to know,
I was hurt
I cried every day
I had a lot of questions
I was angry
I was upset
Some part of me thought you won’t understand anyways
Some part of me thought you wouldn’t know how to help me
Some part of me thought maybe you were doing the same thing I was doingSo when you asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Well, I thought you knew
I thought you could see through my fake smiles
I thought you could read me
I thought you understood me
I thought you noticed…
That when I came around it wasn’t for long
That I only did what I had to do
That I wasn’t so involved
That I didn’t speak much
That I agreed with everybody
That my mind drifted away more often than usualBut then, you didn’t ask what was really going on
So I assumed you didn’t want to understand
Maybe you didn’t want to ‘go there’
Or maybe you were doing the same thing I was doing… hurtingI guess I didn’t know that all it takes is to be open
That even if you don’t have the words to say, you might empathize with me
You might know just what to say
You might love me regardless
You might even cry with meI didn’t know that just because I shared, I will feel happier
That it helps to have somebody to talk to
I didn’t see how much of a burden it was keeping it in until I felt the weight off my shoulders
I didn’t know that I didn’t need to have all the answers
I didn’t know that I can trust God even and especially when I don’t understandNow that I know,
I will choose to be open
I will choose to express myself
I will choose to voice my thoughts and feelings because they are valuable
I will choose to be vulnerable
I will choose to ‘go there’ with you
Knowing that it could break me or make me
But rather that, than the pain I felt alone
I will choose to trust God when I don’t understand
I will choose not to suffer in silence anymore
Write your own poem or pick some things you are going to do this week from the 12 interesting alternative ways to heal trauma. If you are curious about writing, read this post on How to use writing to get through your trauma.
Beautiful poem!